Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
