I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
