Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
