Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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