is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize