Sry I called you an 8
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
