wanna go halves on a baby?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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