i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
