I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
