come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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