he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize