i permit you to call me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
