sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
