and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
