The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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