was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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