I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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