Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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