i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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