I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You can't special order awesome
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
