pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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