why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
