So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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