on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
