Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
