There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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