Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
