you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
