it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do herpes really smell.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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