Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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