My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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