apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
