yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
