What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
