I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Welp...herpes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
