i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
