Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
