kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i will never coherently bang her
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
