dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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