Sry I called you an 8
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize