small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
