he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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