I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize