I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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