I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
