Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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