i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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