the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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