you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
