No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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