it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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