i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
