What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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