you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
