That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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