yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
