My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
