How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
