I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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