i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
