he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
