I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His nipple licking is glorious
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