Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
