Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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