you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize