Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
