when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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