I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
