I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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