using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize