Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
