I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
