Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize