Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
